Danger Signs

DANGER SIGNS

We all know the world is a dangerous place but I hadn’t realised quite how bad things had got until I saw a couple of road signs recently.

Sign: Boy and girl
This sign warns to beware of young boys carrying bricks with which they hit smaller girls over the head in order to get their sandwiches.

It’s bad enough to think that this might ever happen anywhere, but for it to be prevalent enough an occurrence to warrant an official warning-sign is indeed scary. And it seems to be a widespread problem, judging by how common this sign is.

And here’s another sign with ominous portent –

Sign: Man with sweets

This sign means – Up ahead is a man offering bags of sweets.

We all know what our parents think about this situation. They told us often enough when we were kids. All children must refuse the sweets.

… But we’re adults now. We’re supposed to be able to make discerning decisions for ourselves. I mean, what sort of love-life would any of us have had if we always refused offers of drinks or food from people we don’t know very well? And cycling-races and marathons would get even harder if the competitors declined refreshments from strangers standing at the roadside. So maybe this isn’t so much a warning as alerting you to the potential of something either good or bad happening.

However, in this light, the sweets – and the man – are in silhouette, so you can’t tell what kind they are … which makes it hard to weigh up the ‘risk v reward’ equation.

It could be the Milk Tray man with a box of chocolates like in those tv ads from a time when it was considered romantic to break into a girl’s bedroom dressed head-to-toe in black and wearing a balaclava. (Just so as you don’t suffer as I have, I’ll let you know that  judges do not accept an ‘outdated concept of romance’ as a defence. And you don’t even get the chocolates back either.).

Of course, it may not be a bag of sweets at all that the silhouetted figure is holding out. It could be a bag of Tayto* . And if you’re in the mood for for a bag of Tayto, it’s very hard to resist. Especially a free bag! So now you can appreciate the true evil behind this ruse if it is indeed a bad man who awaits you up the road.

In this case, I didn’t risk finding out. I turned back and took an alternate route. But still I think of what I may have missed out on.

It could have been fizzy cola-bottles!

… Maybe I’ll go back tomorrow. If you don’t hear from me by next Tuesday, you’ll know what has happened!!!

*(Tayto are a type of crisp if you’re British. If you’re American, they’re a type of potato-chip. They come in many flavours but if an Irish person just says ‘Tayto’ without specifying a flavour then they mean ‘Cheese-and-onion’ flavour. They mean this so much that they may refer to cheese-and-onion Tayto as ‘ordinary Tayto’, or even just ‘Tayto’. They may even simply call them ‘a packet of crisps’ and still mean cheese-and-onion Tayto. It may not make a lot of sense but it is simple … so just take that smokey-bacon muck back to the shop and swap it for proper Tayto now, please, thank you.)

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6 thoughts on “Danger Signs

    1. Thank you but that sounds a bit fishist. Haven’t you heard of the Salmon of Knowledge? Granted, goldfish aren’t the greatest advertisement for fish-smarts but there’s a big market in fish-oils on the basis that even squished-fish juice can make humans brainy … which doesn’t prove that fish are intelligent but it sure suggests that people mightn’t be too bright.

  1. So that explains why the lad with the flag was in the middle of the road. He was warning you about the man with the sweets. Died a hero. Sweets man was nowhere to be found though.

    1. We must consider an occasional dead flag-man to be collateral damage in the fight against evil. The Bad Men move around in order to avoid getting arrested. That’s why the signs are always temporary rather than being fixed permanently like other road-signs. You just watch, I bet you’ll see the sign somewhere else entirely.

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