Signs of Drunkenness

Signs of Drunkenness

I was once staying at a remote hostel and I asked about getting a taxi home from the local pub. The woman who ran the hostel recommended driving our own cars since, as she put it, “Everyone drunk-drives round here”. Note that she didn’t even say ‘drink-drives’, she specifically said ‘drunk-drives’.

Fortunately for us, ‘The Authorities’ endeavour to keep us safe from such dangers by issuing very exact road-signage.


          pic weave clippedThere are drunk drivers weaving all over the road in this area.

(To prove the seriousness of the situation, note how the sign has been  damaged – presumably by a drunk-driver clipping it).


pic path driveIn this area the drunk drivers so wasted that they sometimes drive half on the footpath.


pic splash round bitsIn this area there are also drunk drivers, but not quite as drunk, so the sign is just warning you that the drivers may inconsiderately splash you by driving too near to the side of the road.


pic squash childThis sign warns that drivers in the area are so drunk that they run over children causing blood to spurt from their heads as the wheel goes over them.


pic double sign rotateThis combination of signs warns that you should watch out in case you get splashed by the blood spurting from the heads of the children being run over by drunk-drivers.

(This might seem unnecessary at first but you discover pretty quickly that it really is hard to get the stain caused by the combination of blood and childish brains out of your trousers and, in these recessionary times, who among us can afford to be throwing away pairs of trousers every time it happens?).

Thank you, The Authorities, for keeping us safe and clean.


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