Things That Go ‘Bump’ In The Road

Things That Go ‘Bump’ In The Road

Sometimes the Authorities warn us of a potentially dangerous situation without telling us what to do about it. When confronted with a sign alerting you to immediate peril, it can be hard to think clearly and quickly. So as you won’t have the same problems, here are my ideas on two road-signs which left me unsure as to how to react.

 pic bump


There is a pregnant woman lying in the middle of the road up ahead.

 Please slow down enough as you drive around her to ascertain if she is:

(a) just tired from being pregnant and having a bit of a lie-down for a minute;

(b) actively in labour;

(c) off her face on booze and pills and convinced that she is flying through the Milky Way on the back of a golden unicorn named Dobbin.

Then just carry on your way again but with a vague niggle at the back of your conscience that maybe you should have done something.

If you can’t handle the guilt, reverse back to where she is and run her over so that she doesn’t give birth to a crack-baby that’s gonna mug you some day in the future and make you wish hadn’t let her carry her pregnancy to full term. It may seem harsh but, in fairness, remember that this only applies in case (c).

 pic bumps


Several pregnant women are lying down in the road up ahead.

 Either (a) there is a Lamaze class in progress,

or (b) a group of pregnant junkies are all on the nod together with no idea that they’re in danger of being run over.

In either case, you’re well advised to turn around and find an alternate route.

Yes, if it’s case (b), their junkie offspring – or indeed their drug-addled selves – may end up mugging you at some stage in the future, but you’re unlikely to have more than a hundred quid on you and you can always cancel your cards. Whereas, if their syringes or broken crack-vials puncture all your tyres, that’s going to set you back considerably more money in the short-term and waste up to a half a day on you. You’d have to be seriously unlucky to be mugged enough times by the junkies and their offspring to make it financially more viable to take the risk of running them over.

But this is just my advice.  It’s your call, it’s your money after all. The Authorities are just warning you. It’s not a proscriptive nanny-state telling you what to do. If it was, they wouldn’t allow Lamaze classes to be held in the middle of the road, would they?

3 thoughts on “Things That Go ‘Bump’ In The Road

  1. these are genius!! whenever i see regular (regular only prior to this) road signs from now on i’ll be reminded.

    ban all Lamaze classes from our streets for our citizens’ safety!!!

    1. Thanks for the nice thoughts. In the absence of traveling to see amazing things like you do, I just twist what’s around me until I find it interesting. Glad you like it.

      1. keep doing it! i honestly think sometimes it’s even better than travelling to see new things, because it prompts us see things around us in a different light. (:

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