Selling to the Serial-Killer Demographic
I’m very like a serial-killer insofar as that if you let me loose around the house with a drill then there’ll be blood and body-parts all over the place. In my case it’d be unintentional and badly-executed whereas serial-killers seem, by and large, to be dab-hands at the old D.I.Y. (and much better at execution). Not for them any of the embarrassing accidents and scars that Padre Pio went to such extravagant lengths to explain away.
Perhaps it’s just that necessity is the mother of invention (and psychos are, classically, obsessed with mother-figures) but serial-killers do seem handy – whether it’s digging up a garden, laying a patio, cutting up a corpse, or just making lampshades out of skin (and teachers wonder how to get boys interested in arts & crafts at school!!!).
If you watch enough thrillers on television these days, you’d be convinced that those huge D.I.Y./gardening superstores must be making most of their money from serial-killers stocking up on baling-twine, shovels, and saws. In these recessionary times I can understand that it gets increasingly harder for businesses to take an ethical stance, but still there’s something decidedly disturbing about blatantly and overtly catering to the serial-killer demographic. And yet that’s what I saw evidence of on my last trip to one of these places.
As far as I’m concerned, if you’ve buried so many members of your family in the back-garden that you can’t remember who is where, then you don’t deserve to have your life made any easier for you by these decorative stones that you can buy from any garden-centre.
The less specific stones may be of use to the police in locating bodies but there’s still something ghoulish about the notion of the serial-killers directing the search via these even after they’ve been imprisoned or killed.
And as for the ones that invite you to think about who you might have buried down there if you yourself were a serial-killer …